WHAT TO DO ABOUT FEELINGS…
For years I thought the point of personal development was to get rid of the hard emotions. Anxiety, shame, boredom, that hollow “not good enough” feeling, I wanted them gone. I devoured books, tried strategies, built routines. I thought if I figured myself out properly, I could finally arrive at this state where I wouldn’t feel those things anymore.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to see: you’ll always feel them. Those emotions don’t disappear. With practice, they just don’t hold you as tightly. They don’t drag you into rumination so quickly. They don’t define who you are. Sometimes they soften, sometimes they flare up, but they’re not the whole story.
The shift for me has been simple, but not easy: giving them space. Instead of thinking “I need to fix this right now”, it’s more like “okay, this has shown up, let’s just notice how it feels in my body.” And then do nothing with it. That’s the hard part. Not fixing, not eradicating, not rushing to move on. Just letting it exist.
The biggest trap I fell into was thinking my way out of emotions. I believed my brain could solve everything, and I pushed it to work overtime. But thinking is overrated when it comes to feelings. Often it just tightens the knot — analysing, planning, replaying, inventing solutions that don’t stick. What’s helped me more than anything is stepping out of my head and into my body. Loosening my jaw. Softening my belly. Breathing into the solar plexus. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real.
As men, especially, we’re taught to solve problems. If something’s broken, fix it. If something hurts, patch it up. But emotions don’t work like that. They ebb and flow like the weather. Sometimes they’re here for no reason at all. And that’s okay.
I used to put so much emphasis on sleep. If I had a bad night, I assumed the next day would be ruined. If I slept well, I thought I’d be fine. But even after a full, solid night, those heavy feelings can still turn up. There’s no perfect formula. And strangely, that’s freeing.
Because once you stop trying to outsmart your feelings, you can start living alongside them. They’ll always be part of you — but they don’t have to control you.