For years I thought the point of personal development was to get rid of the hard emotions. Anxiety, shame, boredom, that hollow “not good enough” feeling, I wanted them gone. I devoured books, tried strategies, built routines. I thought if I figured myself out properly, I could finally arrive at this state where I wouldn’t feel those things anymore.

For most of my life, I thought being human meant building an identity the world could see. Titles, reputations, labels — if they looked good to others, I thought that was the point.

Before kids, I knew what “good” looked like.
In my career, there were metrics. In my personal life, there were clear signals. I could measure progress, performance, impact. I could hold it all together… and I did.

It’s a strange thing to be hyper-aware of how you’re being perceived. It’s like having a mirror in every room not just one that shows your reflection, but one that reflects the thoughts and feelings of everyone around you.